


How Levi Quit Teaching

by rosesandcinnamon



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Gen, Non-Binary Hange Zoë, school stories, tumblr inspired
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-11-22
Updated: 2014-11-22
Packaged: 2018-02-26 15:40:33
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,262
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2657423
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/rosesandcinnamon/pseuds/rosesandcinnamon
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Hanji wants to start class off with a story, and ends up canceling it, because no one was going to be able to concentrate.</p>
            </blockquote>





	How Levi Quit Teaching

**Author's Note:**

> Completely based off of http://knic28.tumblr.com/post/103263731709. Thank you Alix.

Armin and his friends wandered into third period Chemistry, coming in groups and pairs, Ymir and Historia sliding into their seats just before the bell with flushed cheeks.

Hanji came out of a back room with a smile on their face, pushing up to sit on the counter.

“How was lunch?”

There was a chorus of “good”s, some obstinate “terrible”s, but their smile grew nonetheless, tapping their chin thoughtfully.

“You know, I want to start today off nicely. Does anyone have a story they want to tell?”

Armin’s hand shot up, as it always did.

“Yes, Armin?”

“It’s a long story, if you don’t mind-“

He gave them the puppy eyes, and, well, everyone knew Armin was every teacher’s favorite.

“Go ahead, Armin.”

He stood up eagerly, and addressed the class with a spark in his eyes.

His friends knew exactly which story this was.

“Alright. So, seventh grade. There was a group of kids in the same honors math class, and our poor teacher was old as dirt, and almost never was in class. We were intelligent little twerps, and kept our self-governed class under the radar for a while. Well, we finally got some subs, and they were nice.”

He paused for dramatic effect, making eye contact with the people who had been in that class. They all nodded at him, and he smiled.

“You may have had this particular sub. He was legit, no lie, five three of evil.”

A resounding “OHHHHHHH” of remembrance bounced around the classroom, and Armin laughed. Hanji had a peculiar look on their face, but no one stopped to notice.

Historia stood up, voice clear enough that everyone turned to look at her.

“He came in that day, and during roll, I _sneezed_. He seriously shouted at me about how he WOULDN’T ALLOW INAPPROPRIATE NOISES IN HIS CLASS!”

There was laughter at her high-pitched imitation of his voice, and she smiled as she sat down, Ymir shaking her head.

Armin continued, “We all knew right then, that this sub didn’t stand a chance. Keep in mind, we were a  group of ten twelve-year-olds, against this monster of a teacher. This dude started teaching, and I told him I needed a calculator, that mine was broken. He said I had to give him something of mine in return, and I offered a folder. Annie, beside me-“

Annie flashed a peace sign from her spot next to Mikasa, slouched into her chair, but clearly enjoying the story.

“Annie offered a highlighter. But we weren’t done. No, Ymir, champion of bad jokes, held up her shoe high in the air, and went to the front desk to give her nasty-ass shoe to this teacher, with a signature smirk.”

Ymir gave the laughing class that same smirk, and Hanji was covering their mouth, eyes wide.

“Obviously, we all followed her shining example, and there was a pile of shoes on the desk. This dude, I swear, he must have been a germophobe, because the _look on his face_ , oh man. The end was coming.”

Jean shot up from the back of the class, waving his hand wildly.

“Armin, Armin please, let me tell this part!”

Armin bowed to applause as he took his seat, elbowing a sulking Eren with a whisper.

“I told you you needed to be in that class.”

Jean started talking, enjoying the rapt attention his classmates were giving him.

“Alright, so this dickbag, man, he was ridiculous. I asked to go to the bathroom, and he said no! For no reason! So I’m like, whatever, see ya fuckers.  I left the room _without permission_.”

There was a horrified gasp from around the room, and Hanji put their head in their hands.

“The sub locked the door behind me, like a douche, but that wasn’t gonna stop me. I made faces, gestures, danced, and did stupid shit in the windows when his back was turned. My classmates were losing it, and I was having the best time ever. Mr. Asshole never caught me.”

Jean sat down with a smug smile, and with some urging, Annie stood.

“Alright, so I was barely paying attention, but I knew I could make trouble and get out of this stupid class.”

Everyone laughed, and she continued.

“I asked him if I could go to the bathroom, that I really needed it, and Permanent Bitch Face told me no. I didn’t care about what he said, so, I hurdled three desks and went straight out the unlocked side door, Mikasa and Historia right behind me. True friendship.”

She sat down to applause, and a blush rested lightly on her cheeks.

And Connie stood, a huge grin on his face.

“Alright, so there were six of us left. I was a scrawny kid, but I was just as brave and stupid as everyone else. I told him I had to use the bathroom.”

There was laughter, and he nodded.

“So he was like I’m not letting you go to the bathroom, and I told him it was an emergency. He told me to sit down. Meanwhile my classmates were losing it, and I said it was an emergency again.”

He paused to stifle a laugh, and continued.

“There was absolute silence. I looked that dude straight in the eyes, and pissed my pants.”

At that point, people were laughing so hard they were crying, including Hanji.

Connie fell into his chair, and there was only Ymir left.

She began talking with a glint in her eye, and people quieted down.

“The laughter sounded like a bomb going off. I think the entire school could hear us. We laughed so hard for the next, like, fifteen minutes, that he fucking gave up. He put his head on the desk, and waited. Finally, there was just some giggles, and he stared at us and cried out- _this is too much, this is too hard, too hard, Jesus Christ, this is too much for me!_ ”

She glanced around the classroom, smirking.

“There was one voice from the back of the classroom, and what did they say? _That’s what she said_.”

There were more tears, and Ymir broke down, laughing so hard Historia had to steady her. She sat, and Armin piped up.

“Mr. Levi Smith officially retired from teaching that afternoon.”

There was a bang from the front of the room, and everyone looked over to see Hanji on the floor, barely able to breathe. Historia ran over to help them up, and they rested against the countertop, tears streaming down their face.

“Armin, you guys, Levi is one of my friends.”

Everyone gasped, and Armin’s mouth opened in surprise.

“But the thing is, _he never told me why he quit teaching_!”

There was more laughter, and shakily, Hanji went over to their cabinet, rummaging around and finding their phone.

“Hey guys, quiet down please.”

The class went silent, and Hanji dialed a number, putting it on speaker. The dial tone echoed throughout the room.

There was a click, and a gruff voice.

“What the fuck do you want, Hanji? Erwin’s taking me to lunch.”

They smiled.

“I have some former students of yours! They were your final class, and want to say hi.”

The laughter bled into their voice, and there was dead silence for a few seconds.

“Jesus fucking Christ, _NO_ , Hanji you goddamn devil spawn, I cannot BELIEVE-“

He hung up.

Hanji canceled the plans for that class period, because half of the class was on the floor, and the other half was crying.

It was a good day.


End file.
